Domestic discipline
Shortened to DD, and the term where the search results are least helpful, because they split neatly into scripture and romance novels with nothing sensible in between. The full treatment is elsewhere on this site. This is the definition.
Consenting adults only. Everything on this page is about adults over 18 who have freely agreed to it.
In short
- DD is domestic discipline: an agreed authority structure between adults sharing a home.
- CDD is the Christian version, where the authority is framed as scriptural rather than chosen.
- The secular version treats the authority as lent and revocable, which is the real dividing line.
- In England and Wales, section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015 applies whatever was agreed. Consent is not a shield.
Adults only, throughout. This describes arrangements between consenting people over 18.
What it means
Two adults live together and agree that one of them holds authority over some part of how the household runs, with consequences attached when a rule is not met. That is the common core. Everything else, including whether it involves spanking at all, varies from couple to couple.
The vocabulary is borrowed and slightly awkward. HoH, or head of household, for the person with the authority. TiH, taken in hand, for the other. TTWD, this thing we do, when people online would rather not name it. DD for the practice.
The site has a full page on this at domestic discipline, secularly, which sets out how the religious and secular versions differ and why the difference is not decoration. Go there for the argument. What follows is what the word means and where it trips people up.
In practice
Most of what actually happens is dull, and I mean that approvingly. A short list of household rules. A weekly check-in where they get looked at. A consequence when something is missed, decided in advance and delivered when nobody is annoyed. People arrive expecting a lifestyle and end up with a routine, which is more or less the point.
The mechanism that does the work is being noticed. A great many people arrive at this after years of holding an entire household together while nobody checks whether they have eaten. Somebody paying structured attention is not a small thing, and it explains why DD appeals to people who have no particular interest in pain.
The version I would recommend to anyone starting: two rules, one consequence, a review in a month, and a sentence agreed in advance that either person can say to pause the whole arrangement with no discussion required.
Where people go wrong
Assuming it means the man is in charge. It very often is arranged that way, for reasons of history rather than logic, but I have known several arrangements running the other direction and one where the authority alternated by agreement every few months.
Assuming CDD and secular DD are the same thing with different labels. They are not. In the Christian version the authority is understood to come from outside the relationship and is therefore not, in principle, something the wife can withdraw. In the secular version it is lent and can be taken back in a sentence. That is a difference in kind.
And assuming a written agreement settles the legal position. It does not. Nothing you sign changes what section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015 covers in England and Wales.
Rules you cannot renegotiate, punishment delivered in temper, control over money or contact with family, or a growing sense that you are managing someone's mood rather than keeping to an agreement: that is abuse wearing the vocabulary of an arrangement. National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247, free, 24 hours. Men's Advice Line 0808 8010 327. Samaritans 116 123.
Where it comes from
The modern term grew out of American Christian household teaching in the late twentieth century, where it was framed as headship and submission within marriage, and it reached the wider internet with that framing still attached. The British reader tends to meet it second hand, which is why so much of the language sounds slightly translated. The older English phrase, taken in hand, predates all of it and carried the same idea without the theology.
Sources
- Serious Crime Act 2015, section 76. legislation.gov.uk
- R v Brown [1993] UKHL 19. bailii.org
Where this page mentions the law, it is general information written from an England and Wales position unless it says otherwise, and it is not legal advice. Scotland and Northern Ireland have their own law. If your own legal position matters, speak to a solicitor.
Common questions
What does domestic discipline mean?
Domestic discipline is an arrangement between two adults living together in which one holds agreed authority over household behaviour and the other accepts agreed consequences, often including spanking. It exists in a religious form, usually called Christian domestic discipline, and a secular form in which the authority is chosen, negotiated and revocable by either person at any time.
Does agreeing to domestic discipline make it legal?
The arrangement itself is not automatically unlawful, but agreeing to it does not make it lawful either. In England and Wales, section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015 covers controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship, requires no violence, and applies regardless of what was consented to. Separately, R v Brown means consent is not a defence to actual bodily harm there.