The slipper

If someone tells me they want to try an implement and I only get one recommendation, it is this. A plimsoll is loud, broad, cheap, and about as close to harmless as an object can be while still genuinely hurting.

Consenting adults only. Everything on this page is about adults over 18 who have freely agreed to it.

Written from first-hand experience or extensive research by the editor.

A necessary line before anything else. Everything on this page is about consenting adults over 18.

What it is

A plimsoll. Canvas upper, flat sole of vulcanised rubber a few millimetres thick, elasticated front or laces, no heel, no arch support, no structure of any kind. The whole shoe weighs very little and the sole flexes freely along its length, which is the property that makes it work.

What it feels like

A broad flat slap with a lot of heat behind it and a huge noise. The sole is wide enough to cover most of one buttock, so nothing is concentrated anywhere, and it is flexible enough to mould round the curve rather than argue with it. A single stroke is not much. Twenty are hot. Sixty are a session.

The comparison people want is with the hand, and the difference is that a slipper covers more area, arrives harder, and costs you nothing to deliver. Against a paddle it is far lighter and far more flexible, so it produces surface warmth rather than a push into the muscle. Against a strap it is more contained: a strap wraps and follows the body round the far side, where a slipper lands where you put it and stops.

The sound deserves its own mention, because it is a genuine part of what a slipper does. Rubber on skin produces a crack that is wildly out of proportion to the sensation, and that gap between how it sounds and how it feels is why it suits people who want the theatre of this without the intensity. Worth remembering if you have neighbours through a wall.

How forgiving it is

Extremely. There is no realistic way to cause a serious injury to an adult backside with a plimsoll, short of aiming somewhere you were told not to. It cannot split skin, it cannot concentrate force, it has no corners to speak of and no mass to carry through. If you have never held an implement before, this is the one to hold first.

It still has two failure modes worth knowing. The first is the heel end. A plimsoll sole is slightly thicker at the heel and the edge there is a defined rim, so a stroke that lands short or at an angle catches that edge and produces a sharp line rather than a broad slap. Hold the shoe by the heel and strike with the flat of the sole under the ball of the foot.

The second is the modern trainer, which people substitute because it is what they own. Thick moulded EVA soles have hard rubber rims, plastic shanks and heel counters, and the sole does not flex. That is a rigid object with edges and concentrated mass, and it behaves nothing like the shoe it superficially resembles. This is the one substitution I would actively argue against.

There is a third thing, less a failure than a misconception. Because a slipper is gentle per stroke, sessions run long, and a hundred and fifty strokes of anything leaves someone genuinely sore for a couple of days. Gentle does not mean consequence-free. It means the consequences arrive slowly enough for both of you to notice.

Technique

Hold the shoe by the heel, sole facing the target, and let the flexibility do the work. The motion is a wrist and forearm snap rather than a swing, and the sole should arrive flat and leave immediately. Keeping the shoe in contact turns a strike into a push and wastes the noise.

Aim at the fullest part of the lower buttock and let the sole cover most of one side. Alternate. Because it is broad, you can and should keep the whole target area involved rather than working a single spot. The traditional over-the-knee position works well because the target is close and the shoe is short, and the positions page covers the alternatives.

Pace it. A slipper session is about accumulation, so a steady rhythm with gaps to let the heat register is worth more than a fast flurry. If you are counting aloud, this is the implement that suits it best, because the numbers can go high without the numbers meaning anything alarming. See counting and ritual.

How it marks

An even, broad red flush across whatever the sole covered, arriving in seconds and usually gone within a few hours. Sustained work produces a deeper red that can hold overnight and, in people who mark easily, a light general bruising that clears within a few days. Distinct marks are unusual and generally mean the heel edge has been catching.

Of everything in this section it is the least likely to leave you explaining anything to anyone. If discretion matters to you, and it matters to more people than admit it, that is a serious argument for the slipper over the objects that look more impressive.

Buying one

Among the cheapest things on this entire list. Plain black canvas plimsolls turn up in supermarkets and discount shops for somewhere around five to twelve pounds. Buy a size or two above your own, because a bigger shoe means a longer, wider sole and a better striking face.

Buy a new pair rather than hunting for an old one. Vintage plimsolls circulate at prices that have nothing to do with what they are, and a supermarket pair behaves identically. What matters is a flat flexible sole, a smooth surface with no aggressive tread, and no plastic toe bumper. Keep the pair for the purpose rather than wearing them, partly for hygiene and partly because a worn sole develops a curve and lands unevenly.

Care

It is a shoe. Wipe it, keep it dry, and replace it when the sole goes hard or starts to crack, which takes years. Canvas absorbs, so if it is used on bare skin it should be cleaned like anything else that touches a person, and not shared between partners without that.

Storage is the easy part, and one of the quiet reasons this implement suits people who share a house. A pair of plimsolls in a wardrobe is a pair of plimsolls.