# Getting help and support

> UK helplines for mental health, self-harm, domestic abuse, coercive control and sexual violence, plus finding a kink-aware therapist. Free and confidential.

- Canonical URL: https://consensualspanking.co.uk/support/
- Section: Support
- Updated: November 2026 (2026-11-01)
- Audience: consenting adults over 18 only. Everything on this site concerns consenting adults over 18.

Some people arrive at a site like this because of something that has nothing to do with the subject of it. Others find that something here has landed badly. This page is here either way. Nothing on it requires you to explain any of the rest to anybody.

---

## In short

- Samaritans: **116 123**, free, 24 hours. You do not have to be in crisis to call.
- National Domestic Abuse Helpline: **0808 2000 247**, free, 24 hours.
- After sexual violence, a sexual assault referral centre gives free, confidential care whether or not you report it.
- In immediate danger call **999**. If you cannot speak safely, dial 999 then press **55**.

> **If it is happening now.** Call **999**. If you cannot speak safely, call 999 from a mobile, stay on the line, and press **55** when prompted. The operator will know you need help and cannot talk. It is called the Silent Solution and it is a real system, not a rumour.

The 0800, 0808 and 116 numbers below are free from any UK phone, including mobiles with no credit, and most of them do not show on an itemised bill. The 0300 and 0345 numbers cost the same as an ordinary landline call and usually come out of inclusive minutes. Details do occasionally change, so each one links to the organisation so you can check hours before you ring.

## Feeling desperate, or thinking about ending your life

| Service | Contact | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- |
| [Samaritans](https://www.samaritans.org) | **116 123** | Free, 24 hours, every day. You do not need to be suicidal. Email jo@samaritans.org if you would rather write. |
| [Shout](https://giveusashout.org) | Text **SHOUT** to **85258** | Free, 24 hours, text only. Useful if you cannot speak or do not want to be overheard. |
| NHS 111 | **111**, then the mental health option | England. Connects you to a local urgent mental health team. |
| [CALM](https://www.thecalmzone.net) | **0800 58 58 58** | Aimed at men but open to anyone. Webchat also available. |

## Self-harm

There is a page on this site about the difference between [consensual masochism and self-harm](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/why/why-do-i-like-pain/). If you read it and recognised yourself in the second description, that is worth acting on, and it does not mean the rest of what you want is a problem.

| Service | Contact | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- |
| [NHS: self-harm](https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/self-harm/) | Online, or **111** | What to do about self-harm and how to get help, including through your GP or NHS 111. |
| [Mind](https://www.mind.org.uk) | **0300 102 1234** | Support line, weekdays. Good written guidance on self-harm and on finding treatment. |
| Your GP | Your usual surgery | Can refer you without it becoming a matter of public record. You are allowed to ask for a different GP if the first conversation goes badly. |

## Controlling behaviour, coercive control and domestic abuse

This is the one most relevant to anything on this site. A discipline dynamic and an abusive relationship can look identical from outside, and the difference is whether leaving is genuinely possible. There is a [full page on where that line sits](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/discipline/consent-and-coercive-control/), including the law.

You do not need to be sure. You do not need evidence. And you will not have to explain kink to any of these services in order to be taken seriously.

| Service | Contact | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- |
| [National Domestic Abuse Helpline](https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk) | **0808 2000 247** | Free, 24 hours, run by Refuge. England. |
| [Men's Advice Line](https://mensadviceline.org.uk) | **0808 8010 327** | For men experiencing abuse. |
| [Respect Phoneline](https://www.respectphoneline.org.uk) | **0808 802 4040** | For people worried about their *own* behaviour towards a partner. Calling it is a good sign, not a bad one. |
| Scotland | **0800 027 1234** | Scotland's Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline, 24 hours. |
| Wales | **0808 80 10 800** | Live Fear Free, 24 hours. |
| Northern Ireland | **0808 802 1414** | Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline, 24 hours. |

## If a consent boundary was crossed

Something going further than you agreed to is not made acceptable by the fact that you had agreed to something. Consent to being spanked is not consent to anything else, and that remains true no matter how the evening was arranged or what you said beforehand.

| Service | Contact | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- |
| [Sexual assault referral centres (NHS)](https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/other-health-services/rape-and-sexual-assault-referral-centres) | Find your nearest | Free, confidential medical care and support after sexual violence, whether or not you report it. The finder covers England; elsewhere, ask your GP or NHS 111. |
| Sexual Assault Referral Centres | Find via [NHS service search](https://www.nhs.uk/service-search) | Medical care and evidence collection without any obligation to report to police. |

## If someone is threatening to share intimate images

Sextortion and blackmail are the commonest way a search for a partner online turns into harm, and the services for it are specific. Do not pay, do not delete the messages, and screenshot everything before you block. There is a full page on [scams, sextortion and blackmail](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/scams-and-blackmail/), including what to say to the police, which does not involve explaining any kink to anybody.

| Service | Contact | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- |
| [Revenge Porn Helpline](https://revengepornhelpline.org.uk) | **0345 6000 459** | For adults in the UK whose intimate images have been shared or threatened. Run by SWGfL. Gets material taken down from sites that will not answer you directly. |
| [StopNCII.org](https://stopncii.org) | Online tool | Same organisation. Fingerprints an image on your own device so participating platforms can block it being uploaded. The image itself never leaves your phone. |
| [Report Fraud](https://www.reportfraud.police.uk) (formerly Action Fraud) | **0300 123 2040** | National reporting centre for fraud and cybercrime in England, Wales and Northern Ireland. In Scotland report fraud to Police Scotland on 101. |

## Finding a therapist who will not flinch

A recurring worry is that mentioning kink to a therapist will get you pathologised, or written into a record somewhere. It is a reasonable fear and a bad experience does happen. It is also avoidable, because you can screen for it before you book.

Ask a prospective therapist directly whether they have worked with clients who practise BDSM, and how they think about it. The answer tells you everything. Someone who treats it as a symptom to be traced back to a cause is the wrong therapist, and you are allowed to say no thank you and try someone else.

| Where to look | Notes |
| --- | --- |
| [Pink Therapy](https://www.pinktherapy.com) | UK directory of therapists experienced with gender and sexual diversity, including kink. |
| [BACP directory](https://www.bacp.co.uk/search/Therapists) | Accredited counsellors, filterable by specialism and location. |
| [COSRT](https://www.cosrt.org.uk) | College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists. Registered sex and relationship therapists. |

## Other things people need

| Service | Contact | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- |
| [NHS: getting help with drugs](https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/addiction-support/drug-addiction-getting-help/) | Online, or your GP | Free, confidential NHS help with drugs. |
| Drinkline | **0300 123 1110** | Alcohol, weekdays and weekends, free. |
| [Switchboard](https://switchboard.lgbt) | **0800 0119 100** | LGBT+ support line. |
| [Victim Support](https://www.victimsupport.org.uk) | **0808 168 9111** | Free, 24 hours, independent of the police. |
| Police, non-emergency | **101** | For reporting something that is not happening right now. |

> **A note on privacy.** If you are worried about someone seeing that you visited this page, most browsers let you delete a single site from your history rather than clearing everything, which is less conspicuous. The domestic abuse services above can also talk you through covering your tracks properly, and they do it every day.

## Related pages on this site

- [Masochism and self-harm, and how to tell them apart](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/why/why-do-i-like-pain/)
- [Consent and coercive control](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/discipline/consent-and-coercive-control/)
- [Red flags in a partner](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/red-flags/)
- [Does it have to be sexual?](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/is-it-sexual/)
- [Should I tell my GP or therapist?](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/should-i-tell-my-doctor/)

## A caveat

1. Numbers and opening hours change. Each entry links to the organisation so you can check before you ring.

> **Not legal advice.** Where this page mentions the law, it is general information written from an England and Wales position unless it says otherwise, and it is not legal advice. Scotland and Northern Ireland have their own law. If your own legal position matters, speak to a solicitor.

## Common questions

### Where can I get help in the UK if I am struggling with self-harm or suicidal thoughts?

Samaritans are free on 116 123, any hour of any day, and you do not need to be in crisis to call. You can also text SHOUT to 85258 for a free 24-hour text conversation. In England you can call NHS 111 and choose the mental health option. If someone is in immediate danger, call 999.

### Where can I get help if I think my relationship has become controlling?

The National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free on 0808 2000 247, 24 hours, run by Refuge. Men can call the Men's Advice Line on 0808 8010 327. You do not need to be certain, and you do not need to explain any kink to them.

### Can I talk to a therapist about kink without being judged?

Yes. Pink Therapy maintains a UK directory of therapists experienced with gender and sexual diversity, and the BACP directory lets you filter by specialism. It is reasonable to ask a prospective therapist directly about their experience with kink before booking.