# Start here

> There are nearly 500 pages on this site and nobody should read them in order. Seven short routes through it, depending on which of these you actually are.

- Canonical URL: https://consensualspanking.co.uk/start-here/
- Section: About
- Updated: November 2026 (2026-11-01)
- Audience: consenting adults over 18 only. Everything on this site concerns consenting adults over 18.

A reference this size is useless if you cannot find the door. Pick whichever of these sounds most like you. Each one is three to six pages rather than forty, and you can stop after the first if that is all you needed.

---

Everything here concerns consenting adults over 18.

Most people arrive at one specific page from a search, read it at an unsociable hour, and never see the rest. That is a reasonable way to use the site. This page is for the other case, where you want a route rather than a single answer, and where the sheer number of pages is itself off-putting.

Nothing below needs to be read in one sitting, and I would rather you did not. Two pages properly is better than fifteen skimmed at two in the morning.

## If you have just worked out that you want this

The commonest arrival. Nobody knows, you have told no one, and the question underneath everything else is whether there is something wrong with you. There is not, and the first three answer that between them.

1. [Am I normal?](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/why/am-i-normal/)
2. [How common is this?](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/why/how-common-is-it/), which has the actual research and its limitations
3. [When did you first know](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/why/when-did-you-know/)
4. [Does wanting this mean I was abused?](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/does-wanting-this-mean-i-was-abused/)
5. [The myths, corrected](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/why/myths-about-spanking/)

Nothing in that list asks you to do anything. If it turns out that reading was all you wanted, that is a complete outcome and a common one.

## If you want to ask a partner

1. [Asking a partner you already have](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/asking-your-partner/)
2. [How do I bring it up?](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/how-do-i-bring-it-up/)
3. [Couples and existing relationships](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/couples-and-existing-relationships/)
4. [What if they are not interested?](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/what-if-my-partner-is-not-interested/)

## If your partner has just told you

You are not here by choice, and one page was written specifically for you rather than for them.

1. [Being asked, and what to do with it](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/being-asked/)
2. [Am I normal?](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/why/am-i-normal/), which is about them rather than you, and answers the thing you are probably assuming
3. [Am I hurting someone I love?](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/am-i-hurting-someone-i-love/), if you have decided to try

## If you are looking for somebody

Read these before you message anyone. The physical risks of spanking are modest and manageable. Meeting the wrong person is the risk that actually matters.

1. [Finding a partner in the UK](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/uk/finding-a-partner/)
2. [What to write in a first message](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/first-message/)
3. [Vetting a partner](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/vetting-a-partner/), before you meet anyone
4. [Red flags](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/red-flags/)
5. [Scams, sextortion and blackmail](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/scams-and-blackmail/)
6. [Meeting safely](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/meeting-safely/)

## If you are about to do it for the first time

1. [Your first time](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/first-time/)
2. [The first session checklist](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/first-session-checklist/), which gathers the rest into one page
3. [Negotiation](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/negotiation/)
4. [Safe words](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/safe-words/)
5. [Aftercare](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/aftercare/) and [getting home afterwards](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/getting-home/)

## If you are the one holding the implement

1. [How to spank, the whole sequence](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/how-to-spank/)
2. [Where it is safe to strike](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/where-it-is-safe-to-strike/), which is the one page I would make compulsory
3. [Warm-up](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/warm-up/), the single biggest lever there is
4. [Topping for the first time](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/topping-for-the-first-time/)
5. [Reading your partner](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/reading-your-partner/)

## If something has gone wrong

1. [When it goes wrong](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/when-it-goes-wrong/)
2. [When the skin breaks](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/when-the-skin-breaks/)
3. [Consent and coercive control](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/discipline/consent-and-coercive-control/)
4. [If the law gets involved](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/uk/if-it-goes-wrong-legally/)
5. [Getting help and support](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/support/), which has the helplines

> **Three regardless of route.** [Where it is safe to strike](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/where-it-is-safe-to-strike/), because the anatomy does not care how experienced anybody is. [Safe words](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/safe-words/), because everything else here assumes stopping is available within a second. [Consent and coercive control](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/discipline/consent-and-coercive-control/), because it is the line between this and something with a statutory definition.

## The rest of it

Beyond the routes above there is a section per subject: [why people want this](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/why/), [safety and practice](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/), [positions](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/positions/), [implements](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/implements/), [scenes](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/scenes/), [discipline](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/discipline/), [questions](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/), [UK law and scene](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/uk/), and an [A–Z](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/glossary/) of the vocabulary.

There is also [fiction](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/fiction/), which is invented and clearly labelled as such, and exists because the reference pages cannot convey what any of this feels like from the inside, and a [bibliography](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/bibliography/) of novels, plays and films by other people. If you would rather see the whole thing laid out, [every page on this site](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/all-pages/) is indexed in one place, and the search box at the top is quicker if you already know what you are after.

## Read next

- [Am I normal?](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/why/am-i-normal/)
- [About this site and who writes it](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/about/)
- [My limits](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/limits/)
- [Every page on this site](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/all-pages/)

## Common questions

### Where should I start if I have just realised I want this?

Begin with whether you are normal, because that is the question underneath the others and it has a clear answer. Read am I normal, then how common is this, then when did you first know. Those three between them settle most of what keeps people awake, and none of them requires you to do anything or tell anybody.

### What do I need to read before a first session?

Negotiation, safe words, where it is safe to strike, and aftercare. That is the minimum and it is genuinely enough. The first session checklist gathers all of it into one page you can keep open on a phone. Anybody who tells you preparation is unnecessary has told you something about themselves.