# What if I enjoy it too much? > Enjoying it is the point, and there is no correct amount. The handful of signs that frequency is worth watching, described without moralising about it. - Canonical URL: https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/what-if-i-enjoy-it-too-much/ - Section: Questions - Updated: November 2026 (2026-11-01) - Audience: consenting adults over 18 only. Everything on this site concerns consenting adults over 18. This question almost always arrives with an apology attached. Somebody has discovered they think about it daily and has decided that must be a symptom. It usually is not, and the honest test has nothing to do with how much you want it. --- ## In short - There is no diagnosis of spanking addiction and no correct frequency. Enjoying it a great deal is the ordinary outcome. - DSM-5-TR separates a preference from a disorder by distress or impairment, not by intensity or frequency. - The physical ceiling is real: skin and deep tissue need recovery time, and marks stacking on marks is the sign you have found it. - Watch for it displacing things you care about, or for risks you would not otherwise take to arrange it. Then you enjoy it, which is what it is for. There is no correct amount of liking this and no threshold past which an interest becomes a problem simply by being strong. Almost everyone who asks me this is asking whether wanting it a lot means something is broken. It does not. The people I know who have done this happily for twenty years want it a lot. That is more or less the definition. ## Where the actual line is drawn DSM-5-TR keeps a preference and a disorder apart on two grounds: whether the interest causes you clinically significant distress, and whether it impairs your functioning in areas that matter. Not how often. Not how intense. Not how odd it sounds written down. Which means that liking something strongly, thinking about it daily, and arranging your Saturdays around it are outside the definition entirely, so long as your life is otherwise running. The [what is masochism](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/why/what-is-masochism/) page goes into the distinction properly. Worth adding that the best-known comparison study on this, Wismeijer and van Assen in 2013, found people involved in BDSM scored no worse than a comparison group on general psychological wellbeing, and on several measures slightly better. That is not proof of anything about you individually. It does knock out the assumption that a strong interest is evidence of damage. ## The physical limit is the real one Bodies have a schedule and it is not negotiable. Bruising takes one to two weeks to clear, deep tissue takes longer than the surface suggests, and skin that is repeatedly struck before it has recovered gets fragile. So the practical ceiling is set by marks rather than desire. If a new session keeps landing on the marks from the last one, you are ahead of what the body can process, and the honest fix is lighter sessions rather than fewer, or hand-only weeks between heavier ones. See [marks and bruising](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/marks-and-bruising/). ## The things I would actually watch for None of these are about frequency. They are about cost. - You are meeting people you would not otherwise meet, or skipping the checks you know you should run, because the wait has become intolerable. Risk taken to shorten a wait is the clearest warning sign there is. - It has become the only thing that settles you. If a bad week can only be resolved this way, the problem is the absence of anything else, not the spanking. See [stress relief](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/why/stress-relief/). - Money or time you do not have. Professional sessions, travel, hotels. It is allowed to be an expensive hobby. Pay attention when it stops behaving like one. - Things you care about are quietly going. Friendships, sleep, work, a partner who does not know where you are. Not because kink is corrosive, but because anything that reliably feels good can crowd a life if nothing else is competing. - Escalation with no plateau. Wanting more over time is normal and mostly levels off. A pattern where every session has to beat the last one, for years, tends to end in an injury. > **A test that works.** Imagine not doing it for two months. If the honest reaction is disappointment, that is an interest. If it is genuine dread, or a feeling that the next two months would be unmanageable, that is worth a conversation with someone. The difference is not subtle when you sit with it. ## Guilt is not the same as evidence A large number of people arrive at this question because they feel ashamed afterwards, and then treat the shame as proof that they are doing something excessive. It is not proof of anything except that they live in a culture with opinions. Post-session low mood is also extremely common and has a boring physiological explanation, covered on [sub drop](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/sub-drop/). If you want to test whether the guilt is telling you something, wait 72 hours and ask again. Almost all of it is gone by then, and what remains after a week is the part worth listening to. ## The short version Enjoying it enormously is the ordinary result of finding something that suits you. The questions worth asking are about what it costs and what it has replaced, not about how much you want it. And if the honest answer is that it costs nothing and has replaced nothing, then the correct response is to stop apologising and enjoy your hobby. > ## If the answer worried you > > > > Talking to somebody is reasonable and does not require a diagnosis. The Samaritans are on 116 123, free, any hour. Mind has information on finding support at [mind.org.uk](https://www.mind.org.uk). A GP or therapist can discuss this without it becoming a file about your sex life, and the [get help](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/support/) page has more. ## Read next - [Am I normal?](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/why/am-i-normal/) - [What is masochism?](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/why/what-is-masochism/) - [Marks and bruising](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/marks-and-bruising/) - [Stress relief](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/why/stress-relief/) ## Sources 1. American Psychiatric Association (2022). *DSM-5-TR*, sexual masochism disorder. [psychiatry.org](https://www.psychiatry.org/psychiatrists/practice/dsm) 2. Wismeijer, A. & van Assen, M. (2013). "Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners." *Journal of Sexual Medicine* 10(8), 1943–1952. [doi:10.1111/jsm.12192](https://doi.org/10.1111/jsm.12192) ## Common questions ### Can you be addicted to being spanked? There is no recognised diagnosis of spanking addiction. What clinicians look at is whether an interest causes you significant distress or gets in the way of ordinary functioning, which is the line DSM-5-TR draws between a sexual preference and a disorder. Wanting it often, thinking about it a lot and enjoying it enormously are not on their own signs of anything wrong. ### How often is too often for spanking sessions? There is no correct frequency. The useful questions are whether your skin and body are getting time to recover, whether it is displacing things you actually care about, and whether you are taking risks to arrange it that you would not otherwise take. Marks stacking on marks is the one hard physical limit.