# Do women do this too? > Yes, on both sides of it and in large numbers. Why the opposite assumption persists, what it costs the women who believe it, and a note for men at munches. - Canonical URL: https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/do-women-do-this-too/ - Section: Questions - Updated: November 2026 (2026-11-01) - Audience: consenting adults over 18 only. Everything on this site concerns consenting adults over 18. I get asked this by women who have quietly concluded that this is something men do to women in films, and that any interest of their own makes them an oddity. The reality is almost exactly the other way round. --- ## In short - Women are the majority of the audience for writing about consensual spanking. - Women also do the spanking. The shortage across this world is of people who want to give, not of women. - Almost nobody says so publicly, which is why everyone assumes they are unusual. - The assumption that this is a one-way, one-gender activity is why many women never ask for what they want. Yes, on both sides of it and in large numbers. Women want to be spanked, women spank, and there is nothing unusual about either one except how rarely anybody says so out loud. I can be reasonably confident about the first half. The audience for writing like this skews female, consistently, and always has. When women raise it with me, I hear the same few sentences with the same apologies in them, from people who each believe they are the only one. ## Why everyone thinks otherwise Three things keep the assumption alive, and none of them is evidence. The visible version of this is pornographic, and pornography is made for a particular market with a particular shape. It shows one arrangement over and over: a man with an implement, a woman over a desk. That is a production decision rather than a survey. The professional end distorts things further. Paid domination is mostly women working with male clients, which is a business responding to who pays, and it is a poor guide to what people do privately for free. And silence compounds. A woman who wants this generally tells nobody, so she never learns that two of her friends want it as well. Everybody is being discreet in exactly the same direction and everybody concludes they are the exception. > **The thing that undoes it fastest.** Going to a [munch](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/uk/munches/). Not to do anything, just to sit in a pub with twenty ordinary people, a decent number of whom will be women in their forties and fifties talking about parking. It dismantles the belief that you are peculiar faster than anything you can read. ## Women who want to do the spanking This half gets missed almost entirely, and it costs people years. Across this world as a whole, the shortage is not of women. It is of people who want to give rather than receive. Anyone offering to do the spanking, competently and reliably, is in demand regardless of gender. A woman who suspects she would rather hold the hairbrush than bend over is not out of place, she is scarce. The cultural script gets in the way here more than it does anywhere else. Women who want authority in this are often talked out of it before they have tried, by an assumption that it belongs to somebody else. If that is you, [topping for the first time](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/topping-for-the-first-time/) is written to be useful from a standing start and does not assume you are a man. ## What the assumption costs A woman who believes this is a thing done to women by men has two bad options and no good one. If she wants to receive, asking feels like confirming a stereotype she has spent her life resisting, which is dealt with on [what if I am a feminist](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/what-if-i-am-a-feminist/). If she wants to give, she assumes there is no room for her at all. Either way, the usual outcome is that she says nothing to anyone for a decade or two. That is the actual cost, and I have watched it happen enough times to be irritated by it. There is a specific version of this in couples. A woman who wants to spank her male partner very often assumes he would find the request emasculating, and does not ask. He, frequently, has been thinking about asking for exactly that and assuming she would find it pathetic. They can hold those two beliefs in the same house for years. The way out is on [asking a partner you already have](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/asking-your-partner/). ## Etiquette, for the men reading A practical note, because this trips people up in real rooms. Do not assume that a woman at a munch wants to receive. It is the single most common unforced error at these things and it lands as a small dismissal every time. Ask what someone is into rather than telling them, and be aware that some women in the room have arrived carrying the whole weight of the assumption this page is about. Getting that right is not difficult and it is noticed. ## The asymmetry that is real One thing genuinely is not symmetrical, and I would not want this page to imply otherwise. A woman meeting a strange man to be hit by him is taking a risk of a kind he is generally not taking, and no amount of enthusiasm about equal participation changes that. Which is why the vetting pages are written the way they are, and why any man who is worth meeting will expect to be checked out rather than being offended by it. Start with [vetting a partner](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/vetting-a-partner/) and [meeting safely](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/meeting-safely/). ## Read next - [Topping for the first time](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/topping-for-the-first-time/) - [Munches, and what actually happens at one](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/uk/munches/) - [Vetting a partner](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/vetting-a-partner/) - [What if I am a feminist?](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/what-if-i-am-a-feminist/) - [When she spanks him](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/when-she-spanks-him/) ## Common questions ### Do women want to be spanked? Yes, in large numbers. Women are the majority of the audience for material about consensual spanking and a substantial share of the people who arrange it, though very few say so publicly because the assumption that they should not want it is doing a lot of quiet work. Wanting it does not tell anyone anything about your politics, your competence or your relationships. ### Do women spank men? Yes, and there are more women doing the spanking than the visible parts of this world suggest. The imbalance people notice is real but it is not what they think: there are far more people wanting to receive than to give, across all genders. A woman who wants to be the one holding the implement is in short supply rather than in the wrong place.