# Can I do this without anyone knowing? > Largely yes, and the measures are boring rather than clever. The real limits of secrecy, and the one place where privacy and safety pull against each other. - Canonical URL: https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/can-i-do-this-without-anyone-knowing/ - Section: Questions - Updated: November 2026 (2026-11-01) - Audience: consenting adults over 18 only. Everything on this site concerns consenting adults over 18. Most people who do this are entirely invisible from outside it, and there is no register anyone can look you up on. But nobody can promise you that nobody will ever know, and the person who tells you otherwise is selling something. --- ## In short - Reused photographs and usernames are how people get identified. Anything that appears anywhere else is the weak point. - Marks on the buttocks are covered by ordinary clothing. Thighs and upper arms are where people get caught out. - Total secrecy conflicts with the safety habit of telling one person where you are. Pick a friend rather than nobody. - Keeping this secret from a partner is a different question, and it is about the relationship rather than about privacy. Largely yes. There is no register, nobody is checking, and the enormous majority of people who do this are completely unknown to anyone outside it. The measures that keep it that way are dull and mechanical rather than ingenious. What nobody can offer you is a guarantee. So here is what actually works, followed by the limits, which are the part usually left out. ## The digital part, which is where people are found Almost every accidental identification I have heard of came from reuse. Someone used the same handle they use on a running forum. They cropped a photograph that also sits on a public profile. They wrote a bio in a phrase that a friend recognised instantly. - A separate email address, made fresh, not a variation on your normal one. - A username that exists nowhere else and is not a private joke anyone close to you would place. - No photograph that appears anywhere public. Reverse image search through [Google Lens](https://lens.google.com/) or [TinEye](https://tineye.com/) is instant and free. - No face, no tattoos, no distinctive jewellery, and nothing identifiable in the background. Check the corners of the picture rather than the subject. - Photographs taken by a phone can carry location data. Screenshotting a photo before sending strips most of it. - A second number for messaging, either a cheap SIM or one of the app-based options, so nothing is tied to the number your bank has. None of that is sophisticated and all of it takes about half an hour once. There is more on the practicalities of first contact in [finding a partner in the UK](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/uk/finding-a-partner/). ## The physical part Marks on the fleshy part of the buttocks are covered by every item of clothing most adults own, which is a large part of why that is the target area. What gets people caught is drift: thighs are visible in shorts, and they are the most common source of the awkward moment in a changing room a week later. So say during negotiation that you need everything to stay where clothing covers it. That is a completely normal request and any competent partner will simply do it. Timing matters as much as placement, and there is a separate page on [how do I hide the marks](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/how-do-i-hide-the-marks/) with the actual timescales. Implements at home are the other physical trace. A cane is difficult to explain and difficult to store. A wooden hairbrush is invisible in plain sight. If you live with people, choose accordingly, and think about where a parcel gets delivered and who opens it before you order anything. ## Where you meet A hotel is expensive and anonymous. Someone else's home is cheap and known to them but not to your neighbours. Your own home is convenient and the least private option you have, since it hands over your address permanently. Munches are held in ordinary pubs and are not secret gatherings, but they are also not signposted, and the etiquette about not identifying people outside the room is taken seriously by regulars. It is a much lower exposure than people imagine. There is more on how they work on [munches](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/uk/munches/). ## The limits, honestly The person you do this with knows. That is unavoidable and it is worth thinking about properly, because you are choosing who holds it. A stranger from an advert holds it with no stake in your life. Someone from a local scene has more context about you and also more to lose by talking. Neither is obviously safer. And there is a genuine tension here, which I would rather state than smooth over. The single best safety habit is telling one friend where you are, who you are with, and when you will message them. That requires one person to know something. My view, firmly, is that you should pick a person rather than pick nobody, and that the friend can be told a stripped-down version: an address, a name, a time, without any of the content. Anyone worth meeting will expect you to have done this. > **The one I would not compromise on.** Going to a stranger's home with nobody knowing where you are is the scenario where things go badly wrong. If privacy is the reason you are considering it, meet in public first and go home afterwards. That costs you an evening and removes almost all of the risk. See [meeting safely](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/meeting-safely/). ## Keeping it from a partner is a different question Everything above is about privacy from the world in general, which I think is entirely reasonable and requires no justification. Keeping it from someone you live with is a separate matter, and it is about your relationship rather than about operational security. Wanting it privately, reading about it, and working out what you think are yours alone. Meeting someone else while your partner believes they know how you spend your Thursdays is a different thing with different consequences, and it is dealt with properly on [is it cheating](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/is-it-cheating/) and [should I tell my partner](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/should-i-tell-my-partner/). The pattern I have watched go wrong most often is not discovery. It is the weight of maintaining it. Secrecy that starts as sensible discretion has a way of expanding until it is running the whole thing, and people burn out on the management long before anybody finds anything. ## Read next - [How do I hide the marks?](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/how-do-i-hide-the-marks/) - [Meeting safely](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/meeting-safely/) - [Finding a partner in the UK](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/uk/finding-a-partner/) - [Should I tell my friends?](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/should-i-tell-my-friends/) - [Buying implements discreetly](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/buying-implements-discreetly/) ## Common questions ### Can you keep an interest in spanking completely private? Largely yes, and most people who do this are unknown to anyone outside it. The practical measures are ordinary rather than clever: a separate email address and handle that appear nowhere else, no identifiable photographs, marks kept where clothing covers them, and meetings arranged somewhere neutral. The honest limit is that the person you do it with will know, and total secrecy sits in direct tension with the safety habit of telling a friend where you are. ### Will anyone be able to find my kink profile through a search? They can if you reuse anything. The usual way people are identified is a username, a profile photograph or a turn of phrase that also exists on their public accounts, since a reverse image search takes seconds. Using a name, an address and pictures that exist nowhere else removes nearly all of that risk.