# Yes, no, maybe list: a printable checklist

> A printable yes, no, maybe checklist for spanking negotiation: implements, positions, marks, words, roleplay, restraint and aftercare, each filled in alone.

- Canonical URL: https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/yes-no-maybe-list/
- Section: Safety and practice
- Updated: November 2026 (2026-11-01)
- Audience: consenting adults over 18 only. Everything on this site concerns consenting adults over 18.

Plenty of people cannot say what they want across a table and can tick a box without any difficulty. This is the list I would hand somebody before a first proper conversation, laid out to print, with a column for the conditions that matter more than the ticks.

---

## In short

- Each person fills in their own copy, alone, before you compare. Answers written in front of the other person drift towards what they want to hear.
- A maybe means talk about it. It never means yes if pushed, and an unsettled maybe is a no for now.
- Only items both people marked yes go ahead. A no from either person needs no reason and is not reopened during a scene.
- The list is a starting point for negotiation, not a contract. Any answer can change at any time, including in the middle of a scene.

Everything on this list is between consenting adults over 18, and every item on it is something two such adults might agree to or turn down. It goes with [negotiation](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/negotiation/), not instead of it. What a list does well is raise the items nobody wants to be first to mention, and let you answer them without having brought them up.

> **To print it.** Use your browser's Print command (Ctrl+P, or Cmd+P on a Mac), or choose Save as PDF in the same window to keep a file. The site header, menus and footer links drop out of the printed version, and the tables print in black with borders so there is something to tick.

## How to use it

Print two copies, one each. Fill yours in alone, somewhere you will not be interrupted, sober and not already in the mood for anything. Then put it away for a day and read it again before you compare, because the first pass tends to be either braver or more cautious than you really are.

Each row gets one tick: yes, no or maybe. Leave a row blank if you do not know what it means, and ask. The notes column is where the useful information goes. "Yes, but over clothing first." "Only after a long warm-up." "No, and please do not ask why." A yes with a condition attached tells the other person far more than a bare yes.

Compare the two copies side by side, at a table, with your clothes on. Start with what you both marked yes, which is the pleasant part and gets the conversation moving. Then the nos. A no from either person stands without a reason and is not argued with. Only the items both of you marked yes are on the table at all.

Maybes come last. A maybe means "talk about this". It never means "yes if pushed", and it is not something to be worked on in the middle of a scene to see how far it will go. The rule I use is that a maybe is never tried on the same evening it was first discussed, and one that is still a maybe at the end of the conversation is a no for now.

A yes on paper sets a ceiling. It is not a promise. Anything can be withdrawn at any point, including halfway through, and the signals in the box below are how. Redo the list after a few sessions, since answers change once you know what things actually feel like. A filled-in copy is a private document, so keep it wherever you keep the implements, or shred it once you have talked. More on that at [buying implements discreetly](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/buying-implements-discreetly/).

## Safe word and signals

This part has to match on both copies, so settle it together once you have compared the rest. If you use traffic lights, the three lines after your name are red, amber and green. See [safe words](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/safe-words/).

Filled in byDate

Stop everything

Slow down or change something

Carry on

Signal if I cannot speak

How you will check on me during

If I go quiet, I would like you to

## The list

One tick per row, in yes, no or maybe. Each heading links to the page that covers it.

### [Implements](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/implements/)

One row for each implement on this site. A comparison is at [implements and what each one does](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/implements/).

| Item | Yes | No | Maybe | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- | --- | --- |
| [Hand](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/implements/hand/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Slipper or plimsoll](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/implements/slipper/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Hairbrush](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/implements/hairbrush/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Wooden spoon](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/implements/wooden-spoon/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Ruler](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/implements/ruler/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Paddle, wood or leather](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/implements/paddle/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Strap](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/implements/strap/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Belt](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/implements/belt/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Tawse](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/implements/tawse/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Cane](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/implements/cane/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Riding crop](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/implements/crop/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Flogger](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/implements/flogger/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Birch](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/implements/birch/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Household objects, named in advance](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/implements/improvised/) |   |   |   |   |

### [Where on the body](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/where-it-is-safe-to-strike/)

Only the areas this site treats as workable. Nothing on the never list is here, because none of it is an option.

| Item | Yes | No | Maybe | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- | --- | --- |
| Buttocks |   |   |   |   |
| Sit spots, where the buttock meets the thigh |   |   |   |   |
| Upper and outer thighs |   |   |   |   |
| [Palms of the hands, light only](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/hands-and-the-tawse/) |   |   |   |   |

### [Positions](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/positions/)

| Item | Yes | No | Maybe | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- | --- | --- |
| [Over the knee](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/positions/over-the-knee/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Bent over a table](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/positions/bent-over-a-table/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Bent over a chair](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/positions/over-a-chair/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Over the arm of a sofa](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/positions/over-the-sofa-arm/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Lying across a bed](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/positions/lying-on-a-bed/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Kneeling on a chair](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/positions/kneeling-on-a-chair/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Standing against a wall](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/positions/standing-against-a-wall/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Touching toes](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/positions/touching-toes/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Being told to arch or present](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/positions/presenting/) |   |   |   |   |

### [Degrees of undress](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/degrees-of-undress/)

| Item | Yes | No | Maybe | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- | --- | --- |
| Over clothing |   |   |   |   |
| Over underwear |   |   |   |   |
| Underwear lowered to the knee |   |   |   |   |
| Bare below the waist, top kept on |   |   |   |   |
| Fully undressed |   |   |   |   |
| Undressing myself when told to |   |   |   |   |
| Being undressed by the other person |   |   |   |   |

### [Marks](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/marks-and-bruising/)

| Item | Yes | No | Maybe | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- | --- | --- |
| No marks at all |   |   |   |   |
| Pink only, gone by the next day |   |   |   |   |
| Bruising |   |   |   |   |
| Marks that would show in shorts or swimwear |   |   |   |   |

### [Intensity](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/how-hard-is-too-hard/)

| Item | Yes | No | Maybe | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- | --- | --- |
| Light: warm, pink, mostly about the ritual |   |   |   |   |
| Moderate: properly stings, well within what I can take |   |   |   |   |
| Hard: near the top of what I can take |   |   |   |   |
| Being taken close to my limit, with amber agreed |   |   |   |   |
| [Being brought to tears](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/what-if-i-cry/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Starting without a warm-up](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/from-cold/) |   |   |   |   |

### [Duration](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/how-long-does-a-session-last/)

| Item | Yes | No | Maybe | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- | --- | --- |
| Under ten minutes |   |   |   |   |
| Ten to thirty minutes |   |   |   |   |
| Thirty minutes to an hour |   |   |   |   |
| More than an hour, with breaks |   |   |   |   |
| A set number of strokes rather than a time |   |   |   |   |

### [Scolding and words](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/scolding/)

| Item | Yes | No | Maybe | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- | --- | --- |
| Being told off, before or during |   |   |   |   |
| Being made to explain myself |   |   |   |   |
| [Being made to ask for it out loud](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/being-made-to-ask/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Counting the strokes aloud](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/counting-and-ritual/) |   |   |   |   |
| Saying thank you, after strokes or at the end |   |   |   |   |
| [A form of address, such as Sir or Madam](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/questions/do-i-have-to-call-him-sir/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Words for it I want to hear (write them in the notes)](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/the-words-you-share/) |   |   |   |   |
| Words for it I never want to hear (write them in the notes) |   |   |   |   |
| Swearing |   |   |   |   |
| [Humiliation words, from a list agreed in advance](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/humiliation-words/) |   |   |   |   |
| Silence, with no talking at all |   |   |   |   |

### [Discipline elements](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/discipline/)

| Item | Yes | No | Maybe | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- | --- | --- |
| [Agreed rules that last between sessions](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/discipline/rules-and-agreements/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Consequences when an agreed rule is broken](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/discipline/consequences/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Writing lines](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/discipline/lines-and-impositions/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Corner time](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/scenes/corner-time/) |   |   |   |   |
| [The punishment book](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/discipline/the-punishment-book/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Maintenance sessions, not for anything in particular](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/discipline/maintenance-vs-punishment/) |   |   |   |   |
| [A written or spoken apology](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/scenes/the-apology/) |   |   |   |   |

### [Roleplay settings](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/roleplay-and-dress/)

Adult settings only, with both people playing adults.

| Item | Yes | No | Maybe | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- | --- | --- |
| [No roleplay, just the two of us](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/scenes/no-scenario/) |   |   |   |   |
| Office or workplace |   |   |   |   |
| [Appraisal or interview](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/scenes/the-interview/) |   |   |   |   |
| [Tribunal or formal sentence](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/scenes/formal-and-judicial/) |   |   |   |   |
| A formal appointment, kept to time |   |   |   |   |
| [Uniformed or service roles](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/scenes/uniforms-and-occupations/) |   |   |   |   |
| [A household between partners](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/scenes/domestic-discipline-evening/) |   |   |   |   |

### [Restraint](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/restraint/)

| Item | Yes | No | Maybe | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- | --- | --- |
| Being held in place by hand |   |   |   |   |
| Wrists held or pinned |   |   |   |   |
| Cuffs |   |   |   |   |
| Ankles restrained |   |   |   |   |
| [Strapped to a bench or furniture](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/spanking-furniture/) |   |   |   |   |

### [Being watched](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/being-watched/)

| Item | Yes | No | Maybe | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- | --- | --- |
| One watcher we both know, agreed in advance |   |   |   |   |
| [Others present, at a private party or club](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/uk/play-parties-and-clubs/) |   |   |   |   |
| Watching another scene, not taking part |   |   |   |   |

### [Photographs](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/photographs-and-video/)

| Item | Yes | No | Maybe | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- | --- | --- |
| No photographs or video at all |   |   |   |   |
| Photographs of the marks afterwards, no face |   |   |   |   |
| Photographs during, no face |   |   |   |   |
| Any photograph that shows my face |   |   |   |   |
| Video |   |   |   |   |
| Any photographs kept only on my own device |   |   |   |   |

### [Sex, or no sex, the same evening](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/is-it-sexual/)

| Item | Yes | No | Maybe | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- | --- | --- |
| Nothing sexual at all, before, during or after |   |   |   |   |
| [Arousal noticed and left alone](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/arousal-and-who-can-hide-it/) |   |   |   |   |
| Sex later the same evening, if we both still want it then |   |   |   |   |

### [Aftercare](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/aftercare/)

| Item | Yes | No | Maybe | Notes |
| --- | --- | --- | --- | --- |
| Being held |   |   |   |   |
| A few minutes on my own first |   |   |   |   |
| Talking it through straight away |   |   |   |   |
| Quiet, with no talking for a while |   |   |   |   |
| Water, something sweet and a blanket |   |   |   |   |
| Cream on the marks |   |   |   |   |
| Staying the night |   |   |   |   |
| [Going home soon afterwards](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/getting-home/) |   |   |   |   |
| A message the next morning |   |   |   |   |
| [A proper check-in two or three days later](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/sub-drop/) |   |   |   |   |

## Anything not on the list

Things I would like that are not here

Hard limits, in my own words

Health, injuries or medication you should know about

> ### If somebody is leaning on your answers
>
>
>
> A no that gets argued with, or a maybe that keeps being turned into a yes, has told you what you needed to know about the other person. See [red flags](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/red-flags/). If it is a partner and it goes beyond the list, the **National Domestic Abuse Helpline is 0808 2000 247**, free and 24 hours, and the **Men's Advice Line is 0808 8010 327**. Samaritans are on **116 123**.

## Read next

- [Negotiation](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/negotiation/)
- [Agreeing how hard: putting a number on intensity](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/agreeing-how-hard/)
- [First session checklist](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/first-session-checklist/)
- [My limits, and how to write yours](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/limits/)
- [Safe words](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/safe-words/)

## Common questions

### What is a yes, no, maybe list?

A checklist of activities that each person fills in on their own, marking every item yes, no or maybe, before the two copies are compared. It is a way into a negotiation rather than a replacement for one. Its real value is that it asks about things neither of you would have raised aloud, so nobody has to be the one who brings up the awkward subject.

### What does maybe mean on a yes, no, maybe list?

Maybe means this is worth talking about. It never means yes if pushed, and it is not an invitation to try something mid-scene to see how it goes. Talk each maybe through calmly and clothed, on a different day from any scene, and treat one that is still unsettled as a no for now.

### Should couples fill in a yes, no, maybe list together?

Separately first, each with your own copy, so neither set of answers leans on the other. Then sit down together and compare them. Only the items both people marked yes go ahead, and a no from either person stands without needing a reason. Leave the maybes until last.