# TTWD > TTWD means this thing we do: the community euphemism for a domestic discipline arrangement, used by couples who do not see themselves in the BDSM vocabulary. - Canonical URL: https://consensualspanking.co.uk/glossary/ttwd/ - Section: A–Z - Updated: November 2026 (2026-11-01) - Audience: consenting adults over 18 only. Everything on this site concerns consenting adults over 18. This thing we do. A deliberately vague phrase from domestic discipline blogs, used by people who wanted a way to discuss the arrangement without using any of the words that come with a leather bar attached. --- ## In short - TTWD stands for this thing we do. - It comes from online domestic discipline communities rather than from the wider BDSM scene. - The vagueness is deliberate: it lets people talk about the arrangement without adopting an identity. - The same vagueness makes it a poor substitute for saying out loud what has actually been agreed. Everything on this page concerns consenting adults over 18. ## What it means TTWD is shorthand for a discipline or authority arrangement inside a relationship, usually one where one partner has agreed to answer to the other for their conduct. It appears constantly in blog posts and forum threads in sentences like "we have been doing TTWD for two years". The literal meaning is doing no work. That is intentional. It is a phrase for people who do not want a label, and it lets a woman write about her marriage without describing herself as a submissive or her husband as a dominant. ## Where it comes from The phrase belongs to the domestic discipline world rather than the wider scene. It grew up on personal blogs from the 2000s onwards, including a substantial Christian domestic discipline strand in the United States, where the BDSM vocabulary was unwelcome for religious reasons and something else was needed. You can hear the origin in the shape of it. Not a technical term, not a coinage, just the phrase you reach for when you are sitting at a kitchen table trying to name a thing you would rather not name. ## In practice I have a mixed view of it. The useful part is real. Plenty of British couples have an arrangement of this kind and want nothing to do with clubs, munches or the word kink, and telling them their private life belongs under a heading they dislike is both rude and pointless. A neutral phrase gets people talking who would otherwise say nothing at all. The unhelpful part is that vagueness travels. A phrase which avoids naming things tends to sit alongside an arrangement that has never been named either, and that is where domestic discipline goes wrong. The couples I have seen do this well have an explicit list of what is agreed, what the consequences are, how either of them stops it, and when it gets reviewed. The ones in difficulty have a feeling and a phrase. So use the word if it makes it easier to talk. Then have the specific conversation anyway, out loud, and write down what you settled. There is a practical version of that on [setting it up](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/discipline/setting-it-up/). ## The common misreading Assuming a private arrangement is outside scrutiny because it is domestic and consensual. It is not. Under section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015, controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate relationship is a criminal offence in England and Wales, and an arrangement with no exit, no review and no ability to question it is not describing discipline. > **Where the line sits.** Consent has to be ongoing, informed and revocable. If you cannot end it, if questioning it is itself punished, or if it now reaches your money, your phone or who you see, that is abuse whatever it is called. National Domestic Abuse Helpline **0808 2000 247**, free, 24 hours. Men's Advice Line **0808 8010 327**. Samaritans **116 123**. ## Read next - [Domestic discipline](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/discipline/domestic-discipline/) - [Setting it up](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/discipline/setting-it-up/) - [Rules](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/glossary/rules/) - [Consent and coercive control](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/discipline/consent-and-coercive-control/) ## Sources 1. Serious Crime Act 2015, section 76: controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship. [legislation.gov.uk](https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2015/9/section/76) > **Not legal advice.** Where this page mentions the law, it is general information written from an England and Wales position unless it says otherwise, and it is not legal advice. Scotland and Northern Ireland have their own law. If your own legal position matters, speak to a solicitor. ## Common questions ### What does TTWD stand for? This thing we do. It is a community euphemism for a domestic discipline or power exchange arrangement, used mainly in blogs and forums by couples who do not identify with BDSM vocabulary. It is deliberately vague, which is the point: it lets people talk about the arrangement without naming it. ### Where does the phrase TTWD come from? It grew up in online domestic discipline circles, particularly on personal blogs from the 2000s onwards, including a large Christian domestic discipline strand in the United States. Those communities generally rejected the word BDSM and needed a phrase of their own, and this thing we do was the one that stuck.