# Etiquette > Scene etiquette is the shared code at munches, clubs and play parties: ask before touching, never out anyone, and no photographs without explicit permission. - Canonical URL: https://consensualspanking.co.uk/glossary/etiquette/ - Section: A–Z - Updated: November 2026 (2026-11-01) - Audience: consenting adults over 18 only. Everything on this site concerns consenting adults over 18. Mostly common courtesy with two or three local additions that are not obvious from outside. The additions exist because the consequences of getting them wrong are bigger here than they are at a dinner party. --- ## In short - Ask before touching a person, their implements or their bag. Always, every time. - Never out anybody. Use scene names, and assume nobody wants their attendance mentioned outside the room. - No photographs unless the venue explicitly allows them and everybody in frame has agreed. - Do not interrupt or comment on a scene in progress. If something looks wrong, tell a [dungeon monitor](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/glossary/dungeon-monitor/). ## What it means Etiquette here means the unwritten code at munches, club nights and play parties. Some of it is ordinary manners. The parts that need explaining are the ones that exist because people at these events are risking more than social awkwardness if it goes wrong. Two principles underneath all of it. Everything is asked for rather than assumed. And what happens in the room, including who was in it, does not travel. ## In practice The rules I would give anybody going to their first event, in the order they tend to come up. - Names. Use whatever name someone gives you at the door. Do not ask for a surname, do not look for them on social media afterwards, and if you recognise somebody from work or the gym, the correct move is to pretend you have never met. - Touching. Nobody, and nothing. That includes a hand on a shoulder while passing, and it particularly includes other people's implements, which are often expensive, sometimes sentimental and always personal. - Photographs. Assume the answer is no. At most UK venues phones stay in bags in play spaces, and taking a picture of a room without asking is the one offence that will get you removed permanently. - Scenes in progress. Walk around, not through. Do not talk to the people involved, do not offer advice afterwards unless asked, and do not stand close enough to be part of it. - Refusals. A no is complete. Do not explain it, do not negotiate one you receive, and do not go and find the person again an hour later. - Drink. Most venues limit it or ban it in play areas. The reason is practical rather than puritanical: alcohol degrades both judgement and pain feedback, which are the two things keeping anybody safe. - Tidying. Wipe down whatever you used and put it back. This is a small thing that people notice enormously. At a [munch](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/uk/munches/), the code is lighter because it is a pub and nothing is happening. Ordinary clothes, ordinary conversation, no play, and a strong convention against talking about anything explicit where staff or other customers can hear. Arrive, say hello to the organiser, and accept that you will spend twenty minutes talking about parking. ## The usual mistake Assuming that an event about kink means the ordinary rules are suspended. The reverse is true. Spaces like these are noticeably more formal about asking permission than a normal night out, because everyone present has more to lose. Thinking discretion only covers names. It covers attendance. Mentioning that you saw somebody at a club night, to one trusted friend, in a city where people know each other, is how people lose jobs and reputations. And treating experience as rank. Long service does not entitle anybody to touch you, correct you or expect deference. If a person leans on how long they have been doing this in order to move past a no, they have told you what they are. > **The useful test.** If you are wondering whether something is acceptable, ask the organiser or a monitor. Every event I have been to would far rather answer a slightly awkward question at the door than deal with the consequences an hour later. ## Read next - [What happens at a munch](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/uk/munches/) - [Dungeon monitor](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/glossary/dungeon-monitor/) - [The London scene](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/uk/london-scene/) - [Meeting safely](https://consensualspanking.co.uk/guide/meeting-safely/) ## Common questions ### What is basic play party etiquette in the UK? Do not touch anyone or anyone else's equipment without asking. Do not interrupt or comment on a scene in progress. No photographs at all unless the venue explicitly permits them. Do not walk through a play area where an implement is swinging. Use the names people use at the event and never their legal ones. Every venue publishes its own house rules on top of these, and the dungeon monitors enforce them. ### Is it rude to say no to someone at a munch? No, and anybody who suggests otherwise has told you something useful about themselves. No thank you is a complete sentence and needs no reason attached. A munch is a social event in a pub, not a marketplace, and most people there are not looking to play with anyone that evening.